I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
