omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
