OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
