At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
