so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Did I show you my penis last night?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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