yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
