I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
