we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
