omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
