Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
