think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
