Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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