apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
