It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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