"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
