my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
