omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We had sex on a dog bed..
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
