I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
