I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
