WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
