Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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