It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
