checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
