he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
