I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
