he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
