Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
