I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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