My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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