Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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