at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
