shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
