this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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