He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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