I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
