Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
