Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
