So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
