yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
