just tell him i said nine months
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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