Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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