Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
