I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
