how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
