So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
