is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
