Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
two words...techno handjob
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
