is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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