Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So here I am, sexting at work.
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