youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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